They removed the monitors to 'encourage hot-desking'. I hot-desk from the floor now. Very agile of me.

Free bagel Thursdays. That's it. That's the entire retention strategy. The bagels are from Wednesday.

Commuted 90 minutes to sit alone in a hot-desk pod. My whole team is in another city. Culture: achieved.

Badge data is a KPI now. My chair has better attendance than the CEO.

'The office is our home.' Home does not have a badge reader outside the toilet.

The office got a ping-pong table. Nobody has ever used it. It watches us. We badge in for it.

The mandate says collaboration requires presence. I sit in the office, on video calls, with the office.