My Slack goes away when I start working and active when I go to sleep. The dashboards have never looked better.

I nod in meetings while my camera is off. I am also asleep. These facts are related and load-bearing.

My status has said 'in a meeting' for two years. I water my plants. They are thriving. We do not discuss it.

I keep a decoy spreadsheet open at all times. It has one cell. The cell says 'Q3'. Nobody has ever asked.

I have been 'circling back' to the same email since March. It is a lifestyle now. I journal about it.

I wrote the all-hands deck. I submitted the anonymous question. I answered it live. I am the engagement metrics.

Every time I say 'great question' I mean 'I was not listening'. Nobody has noticed since 2021. Great question.